39 Weeks. That is one long time to live away from your child. It’s been 20 weeks since we’ve seen her in person. 20 weeks since we hugged her or saw her smile up close. No birthday celebration for her, Fourth of July fireworks, or even back-to-school shopping. Thankfully, she’s had a few really good weeks which allowed us to get a pass to see her this weekend.
And what a whirlwind of a weekend it was!
I have been sick for 3 weeks. I can’t seem to kick the bug I have. Not a particularly great start to the school year from that perspective. Definitely a workplace hazard when you’re an educator! I took over coaching our dance team this year and their first performance and fundraiser was Friday night. Side note- they performed beautifully!
Derek and I were finally able to get on the road at 10:35 pm on Friday. We drove a little over halfway (4 hours) and called it a night. I was not a good companion because I slept the whole way. Thankfully, Derek is an amazing partner and didn’t mind doing all the driving, getting up early to get me breakfast and coffee so I could sleep more, and driving the rest of the way Saturday.
When they finally brought her out to us, she looked so great! Apparently, she has learned to blow dry and style her own hair! Another reminder of the many ways she has changed and grown. Not all in the positive direction, but we gladly take the successes where we can.
We checked out a new restaurant for lunch- J ordered off the adult menu for the first time! She even ordered something I never would have expected. It was nice to experience her branch out from chicken tenders and french fries! She asked to FaceTime a few of her favorite people which meant she got to have an encouraging conversation with her cousin Maddie and her cousin Mollie and baby Sadie.
By the time we watched a movie in the theater and made a quick stop at a store to get her some much needed basic necessities, it was time to get her back to the treatment center. We were able to have a very mature conversation with her about where we are in the process of determining next steps in her treatment. She is in full agreement that where she is right now can never be conducive to real healing. The chaos, aggression, and lack of structure all work against everything we know to be true about what is needed to create a safe environment for a child to experience healing of any kind. She is also in full agreement that home isn’t the right place to work through treatment, yet, either.
She cried. No 11-year-old should ever have to consider whether or not living at home with her family is in the best interest of the future she wants for herself. No parent should have to openly discuss with their young child that just because she needs treatment outside the home doesn’t mean she isn’t wanted by her family. The depth of abandonment this girl has experienced in life is at a level few humans know. But this was the first time we all could speak clearly about pros and cons. And even through her tears, we were proud of her maturity.
Saying goodbye was really hard this time. The hugs were longer; the shared moments sweeter. The walk back to the car without her hit differently. Derek and I both exhaled deeply and he asked me how my heart was. Which is when my tears flowed.
I didn’t want to leave her several states away from me. I didn’t want to get my hopes up about her progress. I didn’t want to send her back to a treatment center that doesn’t know how to help her.
Yet, that’s exactly what we had to do.
Derek and I have a renewed sense of urgency about raising the money necessary for Jentri’s next steps. Hearing her agree that she was ready for the change and could understand the reasons that home isn’t her best yes, yet, helped both of us settle into the reality.
So even though we made the 7 hour trip there, 5 hour visit, and 7 hour trip back all within 25 hours while sick, we are grateful we did. And now it’s time we dig in and find ways to raise the money necessary for the therapeutic boarding school that specializes in reactive attachment disorder. Now, more than ever, we need others to decide they want to help us help her. Please consider giving Jentri the best shot at a bright future!
