18 weeks. With every passing week we are experiencing glimpses of healing for those at home and J at treatment. This weekend Derek and I flew to San Antonio for a conference put on for parents of children with reactive attachment disorder by experts and advocates in the field. 3 full days of information, support, camaraderie, and meetings. It was definitely not a vacation unless vacation is supposed to be filled with overwhelm, sometimes hopelessness, and tears. The cost (financial, personal, health, and sanity) of this disorder on the family is astronomical.
The “D” word is being tossed around. Discharge seems to be on the horizon in the coming weeks. I went from sleeping incessantly after she left, to healthy sleep patterns, to insomnia again. We aren’t equipped for her return. We have to find a new therapist, new psychiatrist, new home safety plan, make summer plans for her, make fall school plans (she transitions to a different school)… We have to brace ourselves for the looks and judgment from neighbors when she isn’t ok… Hence the insomnia. .
Many of you may not have realized that Derek, the kids, and I all have complex PTSD. Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) is closely related to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). However, it usually develops due to repeated trauma over months or years rather than a single event. As discharge gets closer, symptoms seem to be rearing their ugly heads more than in recent weeks.
A few points of interest:
There were around 120 conference attendees. Almost 0% had any form of support systems back at home. No one offering to make dinner, relieve transportation needs, help with their other kids, financially supporting treatment needs, etc. And my heart broke to know just how alone and isolated we have all felt at one time or another.
RAD is treatable- it is not curable. This will not likely be the last major treatment decision we have to make for J.
J deserves appropriate treatment. She didn’t ask for these disorders or the way they are wrecking the life we thought we’d be able to give her.
Trading family trauma stories with others in the same boat was an unexpected blessing.
Glass Siblings is the phrase/organization created to bring awareness to the effect RAD has on the other siblings in the home. J is NOT the only victim in our story. I’m thankful for people who see a need and meet a need: to not let siblings be invisible or seen through like glass, but give them a voice and support.
We are beyond grateful for RAD Advocates for creating an event with value for suffering families. Derek and I scraped money together to make the trip possible and it was worth it. We will continue to boldly seek options for each member of our family to have their greatest access to a life worth living.
I could never do any of this without Derek. It was fascinating to see the number a marriages ruined by parenting this disorder. We never even realized just how deeply ours was impacted by our CPTSD. Sounds odd, I’m sure, but goodness I am thankful for good therapists who have helped us battle to stay together!
Last, but not least, rolling back into our driveway at 1:30 am Monday was not an ideal way to start the work week. We are weary and burdened with what’s coming and just plain soul-tired.
Please pray specifically for rest, clarity, and the right treatment professionals to be identified and available. We will be taking the kids to visit her this weekend, which is the first time they will have seen her since December. Travel mercies and peace for everyone on the short trip would be wonderful.